In Memoriam Of A Former Self

I've been known to hold a grudge. I don't know why. It's not that I purposely do it but things, especially negative things have a way of resting with me. It's sad because I've found that I have the ability to hate other human beings. Something, I didn't know was possible. I've always tried to be a loving, understanding and kind person but I've never quite felt as strongly about people or situations as I do now.

Perhaps, it's getting older maybe it's just knowing more but over the last few days I've been thinking of a certain situation that happened last week. Oddly enough on my birthday: a hell of a day to learn compassion and how to cry for others.

So here I am, ten minutes and a blog draft ago, find myself making a mental list of sorts and thinking... "Wow, I really fucking hate Joan... 2) for two years I have abhorred but tolerated Jamie Lynn (her very name should provide some insight, well no it doesn't... However, saying "Trailer Park" does). Plus it bothers the hell out of her that I have never seen one. 3) and as of late... I'm not too crazy about Keifer." Actually, I'm feeling a little sorry for the latter.

Oh hell, I feel sorry for Joan too. Her very handsome 32 year old son, the "not so" recovering addict but "Manic Depressive" as she calls his affliction (or anyone who doesn't agree with her, for that matter), has lost another job and she wonders why he's such a scrub. He's just had a second child ( a little girl ), when he neglects emotionally and financially his three year old son.

Joan, doesn't understand that all that he is or is not, is in a great part because of her. She's told him all of his life that as a black man he will never get ahead nor have anything of value, he will always be considered less than because of his skin color and that it's a "white man's world" and that his place in it will always be one of oppression. She has filled his head with the same old blah, blah, stereotypical bullshit that has plagued the belief system of blacks for years. Who can win with those odds but somehow, someway he is to champion the opponent and win the race. It's sad that somehow she thinks that's love.

And if that isn't bad enough she doesn't read well. She's nearly 60, perhaps older. I can't keep up anymore. She's already celebrated her 57th birthday a few times since I've known her. She says it's her eyes but I'm starting to suspect otherwise. I'm guessing that she probably has a sixth grade education at best. I might add, from Jamaica. Just the thought of the Jamaican school system with upwards of 50 students to a class makes me cringe. Her only saving grace is that she married well. I guess the second time was a charm.

Knowing all of that or at least being aware of the bigger picture only makes it worse for me because I still can't find it in my heart to forgive her.

It makes me wonder, what kind of beast am I? Has my once seemingly overflowing well of benevolence run dry?

I don't know...But one thing's for sure...

I fucking hate ignorant people and I especially hate ignorant people that tell me what I can't accomplish because of my national origin or skin color. I loath, people who judge me or think they know me or others because of it. I might add somewhere in there that these people will often give their opinion without it, being solicited.

People who make sweeping statements suck ass. BIG TIME!


G-d grant me the serenity...

I am no longer a prisoner of my past—past regrets, earlier traumas, pain and suffering.

I believe in miracles and a joy-filled future.

I believe in myself.

I gain the courage to let go!

I let go.

Of everything.

Period.

Snap Attack

Kate Moss is back and apparently kicking asses and taking names.
Of the paparazzi that is...

Oh My G-D, I Think I Scared Her

For those of you who know me, you know that I have been for sometime looking for an editor for my novel. I stumbled across, Jennifer Garrett Who Writes For A Living and who also to some extent works for Blogger. She is a self-professed "Complete Anal-Pile" when it comes to the written word. She stresses punctuation, punctuation, punctuation. So much so that supposably, she polices blogs by emailing the blogger about their bad grammar, punctuation and so-forth.

I recently e-mailed her. Not about her grammar police tactics but because I need an editor. Needless to say, I haven't heard back-from her which might be a good thing because personally, I didn't find her writing that, interesting or exciting.

I must say that I like reading blogs that aren't grammatically perfect and have too many ellipses. At least you have something interesting to say. Which is more than important than having nothing to say but saying it grammatically perfect. To all my blogging brethren... Keep using your ellipses, never be boring and remember that those who can "Do" those who "Can't" criticize.

And if you get an email telling you of your misuse of the english language invite them to kiss your... "Dita Von Teese is fabulous".

And with out further ado my email to Ms. Garrett.

Hi Jennifer,

First, I'd like to say that I am very intimidated by writing to you because I know that my grammar is being torn apart from the seams as your eyes glide across this email.

But, oh well. At least I didn't use ellipses. Whew.

My question is how can writers find their voices if we get hung up on correct punctuation? How can we correctly use punctuation to express sudden changes in thought, to contradict ourselves if and when we are writing stream of consciousness stuff?

I too have a grade school writing experience that was the antithesis of yours. Unlike, you I didn't win my writing contest. I was traumatized by my 3rd Grade teacher Mrs. Pounds’ blaring red pen across all of my words. There were so many mistakes on that piece of paper. It’s a wonder I didn't get a failing grade. I got a B- because she liked what I wrote.

It may sound silly but that stopped me from writing for a long time which I always enjoyed doing. It was probably because I was perplexed by the countless red marks and having written an enjoyable story and not doing it correctly. Now when I write I get so caught up in the punctuation that it's painful and I forget what it is that I’m trying to say.

Blogging breathed new life into me. I try to be a responsible blogger watching both my grammar and punctuation but if I followed all the rules then how am I expressing myself? Where does it all end and a voice and one’s story begin? I would love to hear your thoughts on this matter. I like your writing style. I’m still mulling over mine.

Thanks for your time,

G.G.

The Bitch Is Back

Okay, after a short, by short I mean a 27 hr, much needed respite from a certain said "purple shirt", I'm feeling a little bit better. Or am I really? Perhaps, my Alexander McQueen Scarf tied nicely in a bow around my neck ( It's actually two scarves but who's counting... I like big bows ) and my most favorite pair of Helmut Lang boots have only been a temporary salve for the mal-contentful rage against mankind or at least one restaurant in Beverly Hills. I'M F@*KING FABULOUS and my tibia hurts! Why G-D! Why!

Star's Transformation

Thanks, Gallery Of The Absurd.

Photo Opportunity

Oh, goodness don't get me started again... But why, oh why in G-d's name is he carrying a Mexican flag?

After the shit, Ryan Gosling pulled with me at the Four Seasons I had my doubts about his intelligence level and I seriously questioned this seemingly desperate need of his to identify with certain ethnic groups. It has now passed the point of scary.

Perhaps at some deep level he feels that he lacks a culture of his own. I dunno know, but Rachel McAdams... I now see that I gave her too much credit. See My blog entitled Beached Whale Anyone? ( In the February archives )

Well, onward with my rant!

They both should be grateful that they are in this country and that
they are able to do what the do and are making great money to
boot because American movie fans have made them popular.

I know lots of talented and highly trained American actors who can't catch a break or get a decent agent for that matter and would love the opportunity to do, what they do but Nooooo...

Rachel and Ryan are very lucky, blessed, even.

If they feel so strongly against immigration reform then, Gooooo...

Don't make me say it, "People".

By the way, what's Canada's policies on immigration?

What people don't know is that immigration policies are far more
strict in other countries than here. Sorry, but it's time for reform.

Besides, Americans are not afforded the same luxuries in other
countries that immigrants are given here.

Working in America is not something that foreigners are entitled
to. It is a privilege.

Will, somebody "please" tell Russell Crow that the next time he has, a "little rage fit" and wants to knock someone in the head with a phone, he should be dragged out in chains, put on the next plane to New Zealand and never be allowed to work here again. Assault is after-all a felony.

For the illegals put the time in, do it legally and earn it.

Rachel and What's-his-face should sit their asses down and Say Thanks America!

Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.

Perhaps, if some people suffered a little more for their craft, they'd know the meaning of gratitude.

Supercilious

If someone gives you something it means that they have taken the time to think of you. It seems that some people in LA are thought of too often even if they are the ones thinking of themselves.
"It's the thought that counts"...I see, "works two ways."
Self-importance is such a nasty little condition.

A word of wisdom to the vainglory foolhardy...Today's nobody is tomorrow's Oscar winning somebody that could give you a job.
Just say thank you.