Bad Managers

After the double dirty look you gave me today that made me cry and after the biting rebut that followed when I asked if I had done something wrong, but the coup d'état was when I asked you for a word and you said in your vicious queeny way that "you didn't have time".

Consider what ever it was that I did as paid in full.

Perfectionista

After a very hard day at work today were I almost quit ( actually I think I did quit but my resignation wasn't excepted) I sat down to check my email and to catch up on the day's news. I came across this article in the New York Times and it got me to thinking about some of my tenets and how they effect me and the people around me. I've been called a tough cookie, a ball buster and a real BITCH. To the latter, I'm flattered because it's not like I put forth the effort. It just comes naturally for me and I think being a good bitch has more to do with perspective.

Isn't that just precious. I'm unassuming.

Truthfully, I'm more of a MotherF*^@#r when I put my mind to it but usually I keep my hat on, so to speak.

I admit that if I expected from others half of what I expected of myself, I would be more depressed than I am now or I would be waiting forever and it would just be done wrong anyway--So why even bother.

Perhaps, I'm not depressed but just disgruntled.

Hence without further ado and in no particular order...


I believe that one can never be too rich or too thin.

I believe that a woman should be called Miss or Madame never ma-am not unless being rude is your intention or you're in the south.

I believe that most ( and I say most only to be kind) Hip Hop in not real music and that it is just mumbled noise that has made an ugly blemish on society by glamorizing thug life, promoting the ill treatment of women ands disregards education. It has definitely made my life an ugly hell of sorts.

I believe that one should always strive to do the right thing not only by yourself but by others as well.

I believe in standing up for what you believe in.

I believe that some things should be kept to oneself.

I believe that social mores were "all but destroyed when casual friday was introduced to the work place."

I believe that you should always follow your dreams.

I believe in personal responsibility.

I believe in the American dream.

I believe that giving up is not an option: For me anyway.

I believe that you can never judge a book by its cover--Literally or metaphorically.

I believe that models should be really skinny.

I believe in treating people as you wish to be treated.

I believe that everyone is fallible.

I believe in fidelity or at least in trying.

I believe in equality or at least a level playing feild.

I believe that one day there will be a world without racism, hatred and bigotry.

Yes, I do believe in miracles and in G-d.

Happy Hanukkah.

Lady's Choice

Si j'ai eu le choix j'aurais choisi un notre.

I make everyone around us think that you're the best thing since sliced bread. I admit that I'm selfish and it's for my sake that I do this and not yours.

You disappoint and embarrass me because your drinking and drugging has become way too much to bear. Moreover, it’s really an ugly thing to watch. Your eyes no longer dance and your skin looks dull.

I've attempted to be a good friend to you and it seems as if I've failed once again. Perhaps you listened too closely when I said that you were brilliantly fabulous and you missed the other more important bits that followed the but.

Well... At least I've tried to be a good friend, which is more than I can say for...

No, I won't argue about who's been the better friend to whom.

I guess...I just want to say...

What I'm trying to say is...

"I'm sorry, I'm in your way."

If only I had a better selection to choose from...

Oh, but I still love you... for now, anyway.

Rose Colored Glasses

My rose colored glasses were smashed by a very tall fat jewish man at the Four Seasons Los Angeles while I was enjoying cocktails at the bar with a friend. He was nearly as wide as he was tall and somehow connected to the entertainment business.

My second pair... Because I always carried a spare have been scratched during the years beyond repair.

All that time in Marrakech, Paris, Chicago, New York and they lasted--Although I did come close to loosing them in Chicago after a deluge of sorts.

They just don't make things the way they used to.

L.A. can really be tough on the eyes and the soul for that matter.

I miss my glasses from time to time but I guess for now, my oversized Lavin wayfarers will just have to do.

Besides I'm a grown up now and the Lanvin may be a bit more becoming.

The Marvelous Miss Malkavich

94 Bottles Of Beer On The Wall

I deleted a number from my Judith Leiberman like Sidekick today while perusing the aisles at Ralph’s on 3rd and Labrea. It was the number of a friend that had been thoughtfully disgarded. I’m on the fence as to the length of the deletion or its permanence only because I'm attempting to be an adult about the situation.

I made the startling realization that this woman and myself were at two totally different ends of the spectrum in our beliefs and morals as well as our ability or inability to understand one another.

Far be it for me to say or think for that matter that I am the more empathetic one amongst us but --Yes The Big But... But I realized that with this woman I am always wrong.

Is it really possible for one person to be wrong 100% of the time?

"She" (my friend of sorts) doesn’t actually come out exactly and tell me that I'm wrong but she can never seems to agree with me or understand my point of view no matter how I put it. Therefore if I’m upset about something and I happen to share it with her as friends often share experiences, I’m always the one that needs to “get over it”, “ forget about it” or should just "Be Happy”.

I have tried to understand why people act and say some of the things they do. I have tried to become less reactive which is still a work in progress. I'm not saying that this makes me a better person but I do try earnestly and purposefully to make a full-hearted attempt at being a good person. Not that understanding makes me a good person but I treat people as I wish to be treated besides that I am compulsively drawn to doing the right thing.

Often times than not, I fail by missing the mark completely or the mistake that I seem to make all too often is that I expect that my efforts should mean something to people. And I’m naturally hurt when they don’t. But at least I try to understand and I'm the first to admit when I’m limited.

I'm also trying to understand that her point of view may be coming from her own limitations and unwillingness to face certain truths of reality.

"She" has a very subtle way of taking this moral high ground place of superiority were she sits passing judgment on the fallible ones like myself seemingly because she watches Oprah, does yoga, drives a hybrid mini-van, recycles and has a toddler in private school. Or maybe it's just because she goes to church on Sundays.

I don’t peddle my Scientology/Jesus, just Love/Ignore and everything is right in the world diatribe. Well, perhaps that would be because I’m jewish and I tend to say what’s on my mind although not so much these days. Or maybe even, it’s just not my way.

However, I never judged her when she had a child out of wedlock let alone two. Despite the very strong opinions that I have I never once told her that I agreed with her mother. Although for her sake, I'm happy it all appears to have worked out.

At least I care enough to make an attempt at understanding. Which is more than I can say from someone that I thought was my friend.

Still, somewhere in my heart after our conversation today, I felt that she might have had a point.
Then again, I do try too hard... Sometimes.



The Marvelous Miss Malkavich

A Day With Roxxie

Roxxanna reminds me of a little bear

Funny... I usually like bears

Le Chat

Il y a une fois un chat qui me suis

et il aime quand je lui dis oui

Mais ça me fait mal parce ce que

quand je lui dis oui, il fait le pipi

Ah...la tristesse que je sens tout le temps.

Alors! Je lui dis si!

J'ai découvert qu'il est un chat espagnol.

GI/CC