Friday, March 31, 2006

O-NO...




I made the prediction early on when J-Lo was in Italy at the Dolce & Gabanna Fall 2006 Ready-To-Wear Show last month in Milan. It's was like I could look at her and tell what was on her mind. I knew it was going to happen and so it has..

Miss Cleo Calling!




The Sophia Loren/ Jennifer Lopez comparison.

Jennifer Lopez will never be like Sophia Loren, that would take sophistication and for one to be unassuming. Traits Ms. Lopez is defiantly lacking.

I really wish she would take those darned elocution lessons like I suggested because her speech is less than desirable and she keeps talking because someone must have told her that she was smart. Ahhhhhaww... It must have been P-What's His Name Now.

Oh, But Don't Fret My JLo Pet "The Fashion Rab" Can Squeeze You In For A Lesson.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Oops She Did It Again...



Supermodel Naomi Campbell was arrested at her Park Avenue home today and charged with assaulting her housekeeper with a cell phone, New York City police said.


Campbell, who was later released, could face up to seven years in prison after she was charged with second degree assault for throwing a cell phone at housekeeper Ana Scolavino. Police said it struck her on the back of the head and opened a cut that needed four staples. Ouch!


What I want to know is... Did The housekeeper steal the jeans that Naomi accused her of taking (Naomi wanted to wear them on the Oprah show ) and if so, did they fit and was it worth it?

Saturday, March 25, 2006

I Remember You


Cloudy days in the spring make me think of you, Miss Chow
However the 17th of March is usually sunny and that makes me remember a canary bird, I once knew.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Happy Monkey


Fantasia Lights used to make me happy. They looked so slim, pretty and rich all lined up in my antique sterling silver cigarette case.

Now I find happiness in other places.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Treat Her Like A Lady


Catherine Deneuve looks as though she's about to scratch Pherrel Williams' eyes out. His way of cozying upto her like she's a video honey and not respecting his elders would make his clawing a bit justified.

Hey P, it wouldn't hurt to show a little respect.

"The Rabbi" thinks Cat is looking to take a bite out of his jugular.

Down Kitty, he's just an unknowing child.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

The Battle For Earth






South Park" has declared war on Scientology. Matt Stone and Trey Parker, creators of the animated satire, are digging in against the celebrity-endorsed religion after a controversial episode mocking outspoken Scientologist Tom Cruise was yanked abruptly from the schedule Wednesday with an Internet report saying it was covert warfare by Cruise that led to its departure.

"So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for earth has just begun!" the "South Park" creators said in a statement Friday in Daily Variety. "Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies... You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail!"

The Internet blogger hollywoodinterrupted.com said Thursday that Cruise threatened to not promote "Mission: Impossible 3," a surefire summer blockbuster, if the offending episode ran. Comedy Central is owned by Viacom, as is Paramount, which is putting out the film.

But Cruise's representative, Arnold Robinson, told The Associated Press Friday that the mega-star made no such demands.

"Not true," Robinson said. "I can tell you that he never said that."

A call by The Associated Press to a Paramount representative was not returned Friday.

The episode in question, "Trapped in the Closet," which first aired last November, shows Scientology leaders hailing Stan, one of the show's four devilish fourth-graders, as a savior. A cartoon Cruise locks himself in a closet and won't come out. An animated John Travolta, another famous Scientologist, enters the closet to try to get him out.

The battle began in earnest earlier this week when Isaac Hayes, another celebrity Scientologist and longtime show member voicing the ladies' man Chef quit the show, saying he could no longer tolerate its religious "intolerance and bigotry."

Stone and Parker didn't buy that either.

On Monday, Stone told The Associated Press, "This is 100 percent having to do with his faith in Scientology...He has no problem and he's cashed plenty of checks with our show making fun of Christians."

A Comedy Central spokesman said Friday that the network pulled the controversial episode to make room for two shows featuring Hayes.

"In light of the events of earlier this week, we wanted to give Chef an appropriate tribute by airing two episodes he is most known for," the spokesman said.

Friday, March 17, 2006

Bird Flu






Kimora Lee Simmons, The Albatross Around The Neck Of Society has written a book. G-d help us all!

How a monster like that would get a book deal is beyond me. The Rabbi says "it's because she paid someone." I'm with "The Rabbi".

Violent Tendencies



Poppa Who? Brazilian Ass-shaker? What?

K- Fed you need to take care of "Yo Chil'ren",(all of them) and learn to read while you're at it.

Gosh, times like this I wish I knew Capoeira. I'd kick him in the face.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Sticks And Stones

























Watch out Brad, bOuLdER- InCoMiNg!

Michael Douglas is taking some shots regarding your divorce from Jennifer Aniston, at you and girlfriend Angelina Jolie.

"I don't know about Brad Pitt, leaving that beautiful wife to go hold orphans for Angelina," Douglas snipes in GQ's April issue, hitting newsstands March 21.

"I mean, how long is that going to last?"

Pitt and ex-wife Jennifer Aniston divorced in October 2005. Since then, Pitt has adopted Jolie's children, Maddox and Zahara, and is expecting a child with the actress this summer.

Calls by The Associated Press to Pitt's representative, Cindy Guagenti, and Jolie's manager, Geyer Kosinski, were not immediately returned Tuesday.

The 61-year-old Douglas also took swipes at actresses Renee Zellweger and Julia Roberts: "I mean, don't ask me what happened with Renee Zellweger. I don't know how you get married for four months. And Julia with Lyle."

Zellweger annulled her four-month marriage to country singer Kenny Chesney last fall, while Roberts divorced singer-songwriter Lyle Lovett in 1995 after a two-year marriage.

Didn't he cheat on his wife before divorcing her and blamed it all on his sex addiction?

As "The Fashion Rabbi" Says... Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Get Your Grub On...



Purim is one of my favorite holidays.

What is Purim, you ask?

During the period of time between the destruction of the First Temple and the building of the Second Temple, the Jews came very close to being annihilated because of the evil scheming of Haman with the King of Persia, Achashverosh.

Because of the clandestine intervention of Hashem, using Queen Esther and her uncle Mordechai as His messengers, the Jews were spared, and instead the nation of Israel was able to avenge themselves against their enemies. In order to commemorate these miraculous turn of events, we celebrate Purim on the 14th of Adar (and in walled cities such as Jerusalem, on the 15th of Adar) with feasts, sending gifts of food to our friends and the needy, and with the reading of the Megilla, the story of Purim.

The Fast of Esther is held on the day before Purim. We fast the whole day in order to commemorate the fast that Esther fasted before she went before the King Achashverosh to plead for mercy for the Jews. On this day we remember the dire situation that the Jews were faced with in those days and many times throughout history.

Purim Begins Tomorrow...March 14th. 2006
As I ate my take out dinner tonight from Cafe M, I knew there was something I was forgetting to do... Happy Purim Everyone!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Paul, You Forgot Something




Disclaimer: This blog contains some things, you may not like but oh well..."kids"...It's going to get serious.


Today, I gladly accept my lot as being a part of the unhappy minority on the subject of this year's Best Motion Picture category upset winner Crash. I admit that I couldn't stop laughing in the film’s beginning because it seemed to me that, Paul Haggis had written down every racial slur and epithet he had heard in his whole life and put it into this film.

Gee, Ma...I wish I could do that...and sell it.

Ever since seeing the film I have been drawn to talk to others about what made “Crash” so wonderful to them or possibly to find some lone spirit like myself that felt the same as I did; shamefully most often I kept my true feelings to myself because of the reaction that I would get when I expressed my opinion.

Oddly enough with all the “Crash” lovers out there, no one ever told me exactly why he or she loved the film sooooooooo much. Instead whenever I raised any issue that I had with the film, its supporters were quick to rally its cause. As a matter of fact, a “Crash” enthusiast told me, quite angrily yesterday that, I didn’t understand because it (the film) was meant to be an exercise. An exercise in what I asked but he never said. I couldn’t help but exclaim to myself, Bullshit!

I guess admitting that the film made you feel like a better person because your buttons got pushed and that caused you to question your morals can be a hard thing to acknowledge.

Ahhhh, I now understand why the "Crash" lovers are foaming at the mouth when challenged.

Since, Oscar Sunday I have been more baffled than ever as to why a film like this one would win Best Picture. Clearly, I was rooting for Brokeback Mountain, which to me was a beautiful film that told a better story of the human condition and was more ground braking than this race mockumentary.

The bases of “Crash” fell short on me and for months I was willing to run the risk that I could have been wrong about this but in the back of my mind I kept coming to my same standing issues with the film.

The thing that I disliked most about the film was the way the women were written. I had a hard time believing Jennifer Esposito’s character Ria, taking shit from a little man like Don Cheadle, a man she not only seem to outsize in stature but seemed to outwit as well. I couldn't quite wrap my mind around what would make a woman as Thandie Newton's character Christine withstand a humiliating molestation by a male officer played by Matt Dillon in the presence of her husband played by Terrance Howard and for nothing to be done about it afterwards makes me sick.

I know and understand the difficulties with taking on the authorities and the song and dance about minorities are still making strides and have so much further to go, blah, blah, blah. Actually I believe that “Every Man For Himself” is the real name of the game but it is always talked about using the divisive communal word "We" instead of me, as to keep it a secret. But to me that scene superseded the issue of race; it set, All Womankind Back To The Dark Ages.

Sadly, I never heard anyone talk about that problem concerning the film because it was probably shrugged off as a black issue and not an issue for none black women to discuss because it happened to a black woman; a definite barrier that blacks have had a hand in setting up.

Listen, women are women no matter what skin you’re in and what happens to one potentially happens to us all. The issue of what Ms. Newton’s character was feeling as a woman was never formally addressed. Instead it came in the form of a fight with her husband about who was whiter; a real insult because both are very light skinned blacks. She later apologized to her husband for her hurtful words. The writer made that scene about the husband’s pangs of racial inferiority. The emotional pain of the husband when his wife has been hurt is not the most pressing issue. My sentiment is... Sorry, Bro... I don't want to hear it.

Some people in the business make a pretty good living peddling the race issue. When race is talked about in America people do pep up and listen. Paul Haggis won an Oscar and made a sizable amount of cash, although Cathy Schulman (Crash's Co-Producer) is broke due to some nasty lawsuit. The proof still remains in the pudding.

Hollywood is perhaps more sexist than racist and no one ever seems to mention that. It is an old boys club where, yes, whites are preferred but… No Girls Allowed!

There are plenty of black and latino men working out there. Ever watch The Shield? Count the ethnic men and that is only one show there are numerous more not to mention the numbers are growing for writers, producers, directors, camera operators, and etc. I often wondered, how many women does Spike Lee employ, when you look at his crew it is full of minority men.

To quote Penelope Cruz’s character in Gothika, “Open Your Eyes” (say it in an annoying rat voice, it's funnier). Imagine being an actress or a woman in the business, trying to get one of your projects made with out a Front Man/Partner Speak Piece. It’s a hard life.

The one bright spot in the film was Sandra Bullock's character Jean that I thought was excellently played and unfortunately I felt she was overlooked by the academy but yet again, the writer made her apologize for the things she had done and said, as if to admit that she had some how brought her current misfortune on herself.

Her maid in the end was a paid employee not a friend and therefore obliged to take care of her and give her a hug. Perhaps, if the maid had more camera time I’m sure we would have heard the truth about what she thought and felt but then again given the record of this film, maybe not.

Paul Haggis created a false world because in the real world thank G-D, women don’t have to apologize for existing and in the real world some Blacks, Latinos, Asians, Muslims, and Whites, have a common fiber when it comes to hating the Jews. They say awful things about Jews and Jews in turn say awful things about them. It's nice to know that all races and ethnic groups do manage to come together on some things.

His fictitious world portrayal under its guise of being “real” was ultimately the biggest problem that I had with the film. The film caused me to ponder, not my feeling about race but what was he really trying to say and how much did he know and love his mother.

I felt that a lot of the characters made stupid choices. It could have been a better movie if the Persian shop owner Farhad had just been written out completely. Let's face it he wasn't a smart man to begin with, surely his daughter with her big scary all-seeing eyes, did know that. Then why did she buy a gun?

Mr. Haggis forgot to put in a very real deep-rooted hatred that seems to go back since the dawn of time or at least to when Christ was killed called anti-Semitism. Perhaps he didn't because this is Hollywood and he does want to work again. Besides “The Passion” has been done already.

Which leads to my conclusion that Paul Haggis made a film that was not only myopic in its views, he made a spurious world in which every person said to each others face what most people say behind each others back. That's not brilliant filmmaking that's irresponsible and again you forgot the Jews.

Friday, March 10, 2006

"Manorexia"


Eating disorders are commonly thought to be a female problem, but Dennis Quaid speaks out to dispel that myth in a new interview with Best Life magazine.

The 51-year-old actor says he battled anorexia in the mid-1990s, around the time he shed 40 lbs. for the role of Doc Holliday in the film Wyatt Earp, the New York Post reports.

In the period the film portrays, Holliday was dying of tuberculosis, and Quaid lost the weight to capture the gaunt look of a man near death.

"My arms were so skinny that I couldn't pull myself out of a pool," Quaid admits, describing what he suffered from as "manorexia." "I wasn't bulimic, but I could understand what people go through with that."

But, like other people who suffer from the disease, he had an entirely different image of himself.

"I'd look in the mirror and still see a 180-lb. guy, even though I was 138 pounds," he says.

Today, Quaid appears trim but fit, and far cry from the dangerously low weight of the past. Even though the weight loss for the film was temporary, Quaid says the mentality stuck with him.

"For many years, I was obsessed about what I was eating, how many calories it had, and how much exercise I'd have to do," he tells the magazine.

Quaid also opens up about his split from ex-wife Meg Ryan, who recently told Oprah that their union was "unhealthy." The actor chalks it up to the challenges of career and having to spend time away from each other.

"There was a lot of time spent apart," he says. "Communication got tough. It was lonely and difficult. It was like we were single without the benefits of being single. And I think everybody knows what happened in the end, but that was just a symptom of other things."

Monday, March 06, 2006

The First Annual Yuck Awards

Instead of covering the Academy Awards like everyone else in the world. I decided to be different and peruse the Vanity Fair party scene last night in West Hollywood. With Invites in hand we headed off to the biggest and best after party on the planet. Mind you, I tried to be fair and I did get a chance to sleep on it and with the ever objective eye of my fashion tribe brethren The Fashion Rabbi Ymmik and The Fashion Rab Mikuda Berg, these are my winners.


My Darling, Tom Ford gets the top honor because I'm still pissed off about last month's Vanity Fair cover. Funny I'm not the only one in Hollywood who hated it, he'd better watch his back.

Jennifer Lopez get her award because she looked great and was fine until she opened her mouth. I think they have classes for that awful elocution problem of hers.

When I heard that Kate Capshaw had put on her jeans before leaving the Governor's Ball I thought that was wonderful. How daring, right? I thought maybe they would be a pair of sexy Sevens or some Rock & Republics. She shows up wearing these! They're awful why stay in the Louboutins? Why not put on your dirty New Balance gym shoes while you where at it. They would certainly make your outfit complete.

Sam Jackson because he drinks iced tea in the winter and favors wearing velvet suits with turtle necks. He's so country and for an Ex- Crack Head Done Good, he has a nasty little attitude, usually indicative of someone who's had it too good for too long. Learn a different character. Let's Not Play It Again, Sam.

Gayle King because she is too tone on tone. Her hair color doesn't work for her and who in the hell wears boas!

Heath Ledger because he's just plain gross. Just to think of his offspring makes me noxious.

Amber Valletta's school marme look with the big black Minnie Mouse shoes in not as operational as she thinks, judging by her proud yet dim-witted pose. She looks like she woke up hitting the bottle and took a hit of something else, AKA a hit of false confidence in powder form, while she was at it. The look somehow worked in Italian Vogue but it's not working on you, Amber.

Carl Gugino faker fur gave me the creeps. I thought it was going to take a bite out of me. She should have left that peice of shit at home. She looked better without it.


This one hurt...I like Garcelle Beauvais but for shame. She knows better and she usually looks good. Now, this is a beautiful woman "People" not Halle Berry. This dress was vulgar on Garcelle. It was too thight and pulling in some places. Perhaps she should have gotten it in a bigger size. Her purse was this oversized pearl white satin puff pouch, it was obvious that she was trying to match the purse to the buttons but she missed not only the mark but every point in between. She finished this atrocity with gold foiled thong sling backs. What The F#@^%...

Terry Hatcher workin' The Stick, The Witch and the Minnie Mouse shoes.

Gina Gershon, again another faker fur that should have been left at home. What's the point in wearing a fake fur "Ladies"? If you're against it don't wear it. If you can't afford one, buy vintage.

John Leguizamo the other Rat Man. I can't figure out who looks more rodent like him or Marc Anthony.

Julie Delphy because she's French, annoying, thinks she's so freakin' hot and her cheap shoes bugged me besides the white bandage she had wrapped around one of her toes. You know Julie, they have transparent bandages now. Next time get your corns in order at least a week prior to the event you will be attending. Oh and Americans are stupid and French women are beautiful and dress well. Yeah right!

Ladies and Gentlemen, Harvey Weinstein

Keira Knightley, every time is she her I want to slap her in the back to make her stand up straight.

Kristen Davis really should have popped some hot rollers in after having rolled out of bed.

Eve looked gorgeous but those tat paws don't work. Cover them up, get them removed or wear another dress.

A New World's Q'Orianka Kilcher is barely 16 and already she's shown me the true meaning of an Ugly Ass Dress! She looks like...how can I explain... If Patron Silver came in the form of a pill and you took too many, this dress is what you would see chasing you.

Lindsay Lohan because she blew this stupid kiss and her nips were rock hard. Did something excite you, you Paparazzi Whore!

Quentin Tarantino because he's got big child bearing hips and he's looks like he's been shopping at Chicos.


Lauren Hutton (as I'm shaking my head), I was happy to see that she had gotten rid of the stupid brown driving gloves. She did have on a pair of YSL pumps that she traded in for these dumb blue hand woven moccasins. Although, she still looks like she's waiting for a horse.
Clue phone's for you Lauren... You're not a Peruvian Indian sheep herder attending a relative's wedding! This ain't Brokeback Mountain. It's Hollywood!


Sienna Miller because remember Q'Orianka Kilcher's Dress, well this is the path of destruction left by the Patron episode. Although this could have been cute if it was cut super short. Someone's trying to work the Factory Girl look and is still not getting it right. Finding the true essence of Edie has become a way of life for you and she's alluded you once more... how sad... Get your own damned style and stop trying to rip off the dead!

Zooey Deschanel because she has annoyed me all week and her dress is stupid not to mention ugly. Thank G-d she didn't where those Prada patent leather wedgies again.


Kimora Lee Simmons, The Albatross Around The Neck Of Society was a little out of her element last night. You know for someone who has supposedly so many diamonds hers looked a little plastic and cloudy. Where are your minions of maids now bitch!

Joan Collins, someone Please, 911 the Wig Master we've got a DOA.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Hard For Hoes Too!






From the looks of it, obviously!

Taraji P.Henson is tired and it shows. And this is before she performed "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp' from the movie "Hustle and Flow" with Three-6 Mafia at the 78 Annual Academy Awards.

Girrrrrrl, which mirror were you looking in? And I don't want to her that tired crap about "a sister can't get a break in Hollywood".

Awful is Awful no matter what skin you're in.

Is this why Halle Berry is the poster child for blackywood? Because although Halle and her stylist Bloch- head have very little fashion sense between them, she (Halle not Phillip), often passes for looking good because she plays it safe and a least she's pretty (not beautiful) and has good skin.

Considering that Taragi worked several times last year she could have at least negotiated a better dress. Paying for it is always an option too. One word for her... Gruesome and sad. Well that was two but who's counting?

Bush Wacked


Apparently Janeane Garofalo has said, on her Air America show, a nationally syndicated talk radio broadcast, that she will not shave her bush until the other Bush (President Bush) is out of office. WHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUAAAAAAT!

I can't help but do the math. I'm calling my accountant.

Hello Nelson. It's me. Hey, the Chihuahuas are doing well. How was Fiji? That's great! (Chatting with Nelson)

Can you help me figure something out? How long till...

( Still Chatting with Nelson, filling him in, No her bush!
...the other Bush. )

Just a second... And that comes to 1051 Days, 8 Hours and...bare with us... 29 minutes and some odd second that she will go with out grooming her mane coon.

Thanks, Nelson, bye.

With summer coming just imagine that hairy italian monkey of hers all sweaty and... Oh Goodness!!!! "Rabbi" you scared me!

"Ladies". "Hey LADIES", somethings you need to keep to yourselves.

Did I mention that she said this on her radio show that is transmitted to 89 radio stations around the country and is also broadcasted on XM Satellite as well.

I just hope that this... No, this won't turn into a burn your bra thing, like the last time, will it?

I love La Perla.

"Ladies", hunger strikes seem to work best, just look at our friend Nicole Richie.


We could find ourselves asking Why, What on earth, What's the point, What Is She Trying To Prove, What's She Trying To Say and possibly just plain ole' WHAAAAAT THHE FUCK?!!

But my question is...

She shaves, it?

How barbaric and undignified is that.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Stay Tuned


Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming! Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming! Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming! Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming! Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming! Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming! Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming! Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming! Brokeback "The Wings" re-mix is coming!

So I heard...Or we'll just have to stand it the way it is.

The Way We Were






Who could possibly forget when Kim Basinger turned up wearing this frock in 1990. Unfortunately people remembered the dress and not her date which was Prince ( the actual one probably responsible for this fashion disaster, she had a few others but she had help this time). It's probably a good thing for her that they did forget because he made her look even more ridiculous as they walked the red carpet together.

"Oh mommy, look at the pretty lady in the funny wedding dress with the little man. Is he a leprechaun ?"

Basinger and Prince began their brief fling began while filming "Batman" the movie in which she starred and he recorded the sound track. It probably ended after she walked on stage to present the award for "Best Somebody, Something", when all the while on stage she looked a bit uncomfortable possibly because a few people snickered.

I not only snickered, I laughed my ass off. Most people clapped to cover the sound of their laughs.

Oh Rabbi, don't give me that look! You were falling over in hysterics too.


Adieu to the days of yore when celebrities picked their own clothes and we saw their true fashion sense. Some good, some bad, some very bad and we had laughs at their expense. Those were the good ole' days...

Now everybody has a stylist.

How boring, just like this years Academy Awards Sunday March 5,2006 5PM PT/ 8 PM ET on ABC.

Oh and what's with the stupid posters?